I never wanted the baby- Why do I feel sad after miscarrying?
You may have known from the minute you saw a positive pregnancy test that you were going to terminate the pregnancy and have immediately googled “abortion clinics near me”, and even made an appointment at the local abortion clinic. Whether you realize it or not, the moment you found out you were pregnant an emotional bond began between you and your baby. That emotional bond ended when you miscarried, leaving you with pregnancy loss feelings that need to be recognized and expressed.
It is not unusual to feel a combination of relief and deep sadness.
Some women may feel immense guilt- immediately looking for what she might have done to cause the miscarriage or feeling like she’s being “punished” for considering abortion. It can be confusing at times, but it is important to allow yourself to feel all of the different emotions that may come.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your baby. Many women find that their grief follows the 5 stages identified by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. These stages are:
- Denial- (Refusing to believe what has happened).
- Anger- (Blaming yourself or others for the loss).
- Bargaining- (Making a deal with God or yourself to make things go back to the way they were).
- Depression- (Feeling listless, tired, guilty, punished, hopeless, and/or there is no joy left).
- Acceptance- (Realizing that life must go on and making plans and moving forward in life).
You may find yourself skipping between the stages or revisiting one or more of them. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently- there is no “right” way.
Talking to a trusted friend, parent, or counselor may help.
If you find yourself unable to function through your sadness, or turning to drugs, alcohol, or other destructive behaviors to help you cope, it is important that you seek professional help immediately.
Are you or a friend struggling with grief from a pregnancy loss or possibly a past abortion decision? Gateway Women’s Care offers free pregnancy loss counseling and post-abortion care counseling.
Call Raleigh 919.833.0096, Durham 919.251.9444 and Chapel Hill 919.537.8220 to get help.