There are some confusing conversations today about miscarriage and abortion. Are they the same or different? While the medical term for miscarriage is a “spontaneous abortion” it is not the same thing as an abortion. A miscarriage is a natural process of the body, while getting an abortion is an elective procedure. Even in states where abortion is illegal, miscarriage care is protected by law, despite what you may have heard. (link footnote of source) https://www.ncleg.gov/Sessions/2023/Bills/Senate/PDF/S20v5.pdf
Miscarriage can also bring confusing feelings. Maybe you knew from the minute you saw the positive pregnancy test that terminating was your first option. You may have googled “abortion clinics near me” or even made an appointment at the local abortion clinic.
Whether you realize it or not, the moment you found out you were pregnant an emotional bond began between you and your baby. That emotional bond ended when you miscarried, leaving you with pregnancy loss feelings that need to be recognized and expressed regardless of having considered having an abortion.
It is not unusual to feel a combination of relief and deep sadness.
Some women may feel immense guilt- immediately looking for what she may have done to cause the miscarriage or feeling like she’s being “punished”. It can be confusing at times, but it is important to allow yourself to feel all of the different emotions that may come.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your baby. Many women find that their grief follows the 5 stages identified by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. These stages are:
- Denial- (Refusing to believe what has happened).
- Anger- (Blaming yourself or others for the loss).
- Bargaining- (Making a deal with God or yourself to make things go back to the way they were).
- Depression- (Feeling listless, tired, guilty, punished, hopeless, and/or there is no joy left).
- Acceptance- (Realizing that life must go on and making plans and moving forward in life).
You may find yourself skipping between the stages or revisiting one or more of them. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently- there is no “right” way.
Talking to a trusted friend, parent, or counselor may help.
If you find yourself unable to function through sadness, or turning to drugs, alcohol, or other destructive behaviors to help you cope, it is important that you seek professional help immediately.
Are you or a friend struggling with grief from a past abortion decision? Gateway Women’s Care offers free post-abortion support from women who have been where you are.
Call Gateway Women’s Care. We are here to help.
Raleigh – 919.833.0096
Durham – 919.251.9444